


birds singing in the sycamore tree

by babybel



Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who (Big Finish Audio)
Genre: Fluff and Angst, Happy Ending, Love Confessions, Nonbinary Character, Other, Shared Dreams, mostly just sorta surreal little adventures, pre-divergent universe, they just love each other so much ok. they love each other so much
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-21
Updated: 2020-01-28
Packaged: 2021-02-27 07:40:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 8,962
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22353505
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/babybel/pseuds/babybel
Summary: after a mishap with a planet's native flora, charley and the doctor have four shared dreams, and confess their love for each other in four different ways.
Relationships: Eighth Doctor/Charley Pollard
Comments: 6
Kudos: 29





	1. overture

**Author's Note:**

> yes i wrote this in symphonic structure. i'm silly and i couldn't help myself. anyway i literally just love charley and 8's character voices n how they interact :')  
> title from that one doris day tune

“Amazing.”

“Amazing?” The Doctor had a look of pure glee on their face as they held the TARDIS door open for Charley. 

“Amazing,” Charley repeated in confirmation, and she was smiling back, she couldn’t help herself. 

“I knew you’d love it.” They followed her into the ship. “There’s nothing in the universe like it. Literally! Viridios has the highest levels of floral biodiversity on any known planet, can you believe it? Actually, I’ve more than once thought about grabbing the odd fruit or seed pod for my own garden, although it’s not quite worth the risk.”

Charley made her way past the console and to the library, listening to them talk. “And why’s that? Have they got tight security or something?”

“No,” the Doctor answered, sitting next to her in front of the library fireplace. “Well, maybe. No, there’s quite a lot of plants with rather undesirable side effects. Poisons, rashes, the lot. There’s a flower - only grows on Viridios, again, the amount of endemic species is just mind-boggling - that’ll put you straight into a dream and keep you there, like a prison in your own head. You don’t wake up, you just keep dreaming, and waste away. A dream that can kill you, isn’t that fascinating?”

“Morbid,” Charley replied on impulse. “But, yes.”

“Do you know, I once landed on a planet where that same thing would happen but instead of dreams that did you in it was stories? These- things, they tell you a story so good you forget about real life.” The Doctor was utterly taken in by the idea of it, their eyes trained on some faraway spot over Charley’s shoulder. 

She couldn’t help but smile. When they got going about something that really interested them they got so excited, and it was- well. It was cute. It was very cute. It was so cute it made her heart forget to beat for a second sometimes, and other times made it beat far too quickly. 

“And there’s another tree, also native to Viridios,” they continued, “that only bears fruit once per planetary revolution. Those fruit, if you touch them, will burn your skin away faster than any known acid. As far as I know, the people who study it, the botanists, they still don’t know what the corrosive component is. And, I mean, you and I say dangerous, but really, it’s plain ingenuity.”

She sighed, and decided she could listen to them talk like this forever. 

“The miracle of how things evolve to survive,” they finished, “never fails to amaze me.”

“Did you consider that maybe you ought to have told me about the killer plants before we went galavanting out through them all?” Charley suggested, just joking, just to bother them. 

The Doctor chuckled. “I didn’t want to worry you, I know how fretting can take the joy out of an experience. And besides, we didn’t pass by any of the really nasty ones.” Their eyes fell back to her, and they froze, a slight frown appearing on their face. “Except for this one, hang on.” They reached over and ran a finger along her shoulder. “You’ve collected pollen, Charley.”

“And that’s bad?” Charley squinted, trying to make out the yellow dust on the Doctor’s finger in the firelight. 

“With normal pollen, no, unless you’re allergic,” the Doctor said, blowing the pollen towards the fire. “In this case, yes. Charley, hold onto me.” 

Charley held out a hand. She yawned. “What’s going to happen, exactly?”

The Doctor shook their head quickly, blinking, and if they’d heard, they weren’t answering. They slapped themself gently across the face.

Charley was experiencing a sensation that brought back a certain memory clear as day. She was eleven years old, sitting with a grammar tutor in one of the attic rooms reserved for study. The room was so warm and stuffy, being at the top of the house with not much ventilation, and the material was quite literally the most boring thing she’d ever tried to consume. Her tutor’s voice seemed to consist solely of one note, and usually that would be irritating beyond belief, but as it turned out, it also made for quite an effective lullaby. She quite literally could not keep her eyes open. 

Her head drooped, and she saw that the Doctor was laid out across the rug. If they were sleeping, then sleep wasn’t so bad, she reasoned. For whatever reason, she needed it extremely badly. She remembered they asked her to hold on, so when she laid down she carefully draped an arm over their shoulder, and was asleep before her head hit the ground. 


	2. allegro

The suit was incredibly uncomfortable. Large, bulky, felt like it extended her shape six inches out on all sides, and don’t get her started on the helmet and the strange little windshield blocking her in from the vast expanse of darkness stretching out in front of her. She concentrated, trying to determine where she was. 

A crushing, widespread darkness, broken up by thousands of pinpricks of white light. She’d seen it a million times looking up at the sky at night, and a hundred more times peeking out of the TARDIS before they’d fully landed. She was in space. 

“I’m in space,” she said, out loud. 

A crackling sound shot through her helmet, and then, “Charley?” It was like they were speaking right into her ear. 

“Doctor?” She tried to turn, but movement was difficult, and everything she did seemed futile in terms of actually doing anything. “Doctor, where are you?”

“Charley, turn around,” they said, and it must have been coming through sort of a tiny personal radio somewhere in her helmet. 

“I’m- trying,” she said, struggling further. “It’s a little stuffy in here.”

“It shouldn’t be,” they said.

“It’s fine, it’s just- I’ll be glad to get out of it and get back to the ship.” She finally managed to turn a one-eighty, the momentum carrying her a little off to the left. At least she could see the Doctor, though. Or, the space suit that must’ve held the Doctor. 

A while ago, they’d taken her to see the first moon landing. The space suit the Doctor was wearing - and, she could assume, the one she was wearing as well - was almost identical to the spacesuits the men wore on that mission. Their visor was dark; she couldn’t see their face. They hung in space about six meters away.

They raised an arm and waved. 

She did the same. “If you don’t mind me asking, where’s the TARDIS?”

“Well, that’s a bit of a problem, actually. Take a look around.”

“I’ve been taking looks around,” Charley said, trying not to get irritated. 

“What did you see?”

“No TARDIS, that’s for sure, just… stars, I suppose.” 

“Exactly. No TARDIS. Wherever it is, it’s not here.” They sounded put off. 

Charley tried to get a little closer to them, and it was sort of like what she’d imagine walking through mud up to your waist would feel like. “Doctor, this is going to sound- well, silly, but I-” She tried not to panic. Panicking in a space suit wasn’t an option, because it was already stuffy and tight enough. She didn’t need that added terror. She took a breath. “I can’t remember how we got here.” 

“I’m afraid there might be another issue, Charley,” they said, but their voice had taken on that almost monotonous edge that it often did when they were scared. “You said your suit felt stuffy. There’s going to be a little dial somewhere in there that you can see, and it’ll show you your oxygen level. If you could find that and just see how you’re doing? I’m sure it’s fine, I just want to be certain.” 

It took her a minute to locate it, but when she did, a dull sense of fear crept over her. “Oh.”

“Spotted it? Now, what’s it say?”

“The numbers are too small to read, but the colors are fine indicators,” Charley said, trying to laugh. It didn’t work, catching in her throat. “It’s in the red, Doctor.” 

“That’s fine. You’re fine.” They sounded panicked. “There’s bound to be a- a ship, or a cargo barge, or something coming through here. We’ll be back safe in no time, just-”

Charley blew out a shaky breath. “Please don’t lie to me, Doctor. If it’s one of the last things you say to me I-”

“Don’t say that,” they snapped harshly. 

“Tell me the truth,” she yelled back. 

“You already know.” Their voice was flat, almost patronizing. “You saw the dial, you saw the color. And we’re in deep space. Nothing passes through deep space; at least nothing that can save us.”

Charley nodded, and her face was heating up. “Uhm, how did we even get out here?” she asked, trying to keep the Doctor’s mind focused on rational questions. She blinked, and a tear caught in her eyelashes, wetting them. 

“I don’t know, I don’t- I can’t remember. Charley, why can’t I remember?”

“I was going to ask you the same thing,” she said, and sniffed. 

“Oh, Charley,” they sighed, and even over the radio she could hear their voice break. “Charley, I’m sorry.”

“It’s not your fault,” Charley said, and hoped it sounded comforting. “It’s really not.” 

There was a beat of silence, then they said, “See if you can get yourself over to me.”

“What for?” she asked carefully, and then felt sort of cruel. Maybe it was just for comfort, and she couldn’t blame them. She’d rather like to hold their hand just about now anyway. 

“Charley, the longer we can survive the better a chance we have of rescue,” they said, voice evening out. “I think I can reroute the oxygen lines in my suit, I think I can save you.” 

Charley didn’t know everything about Time Lord physiology, but she was pretty sure they needed to breathe, and she wasn’t going to let them make a sacrifice that great for her. “No,” she said, quietly.

“Charley, please. Please don’t fight me on this.”

“No,” she repeated, and it felt like she was breathing through a sponge. “How are we even out here? Why can’t we remember?”

“There must have been an explosion,” the Doctor theorized quickly, clearly doing it just to answer her question and get back to what they were trying to do. As they talked, they started trying to float closer to her. “Scrambles the memory, explosions, and it would explain why we’re out here. We must’ve been on a rather unlucky spacecraft.” 

It didn’t explain the astronaut getup. Actually, everything about this was off. It was frightening, but, as she was currently running out of oxygen, it wasn’t really at the foreground of Charley’s mind. “I just woke up in the space suit,” she said, trying to keep them talking about something that wasn’t self sacrifice. “Did you?”

“Yes, I did.” They were halfway to her now. “Listen, Charley-”

“No,” Charley said, and tried to ignore how her whole body felt like it was suffering vaguely from a case of pins and needles. She waved her arms, trying to push herself back away from them. 

“What do you mean, no?” They sounded angry. “What do you want me to do, hang here in space and watch you die?”

She winced. 

“If one of us is going to get rescued, Charley, it has to be you. There isn’t another option.” 

“Why?” she asked. “You’re- cleverer than I am, you’re kinder, you’d do a whole lot more good-”

“Don’t,” they snapped, “talk like that, please don’t talk like that. Charley, please, Charley. Listen to me.” 

She was getting a headache. Everything she was feeling was so unpleasant, and she knew it would only get worse as time went on and her oxygen really ran out. “You can’t say why, because I actually have an argument,” she mumbled. The air she was breathing was so hot, so stale. “You don’t.” 

“I do,” they said. “You need to let me do this because-”

“Remember I’m supposed to be dead? Edith said so, in the washroom,” Charley continued. “The universe needs me to be dead, just like it needs you to be alive.”

“No, no, hang the universe, hang everything-”

“Doctor-”

“Charley, I-”

“Please,” Charley yelled, her head spinning. “Please don’t argue with me while I’m dying, this is hard enough as it is.”

“Charley, I love you,” they said quietly. “I need you to live because this universe has just seen the beginning of what you can do, of- of your impact, and I know that impact will be so, so brilliant. And because I- because.” They sighed; she heard it crackle through the radio speaker in her helmet. “Because I can’t live if you die. I can’t.”

“And you think the reverse would be easy for me?” Between the tears in her eyes and the black spots in her vision, she couldn’t see past her visor. She couldn’t help but get angry. It’s a terrible thing. Your last feeling being anger. “You know I love you, you  _ know _ I love you. You’re asking me to do exactly what you just said you couldn’t, Doctor, and between the two of us, I’m afraid you’re the stronger person.”

“The stronger person?” Their voice was desperate. “Oh, no, no, Charley, you and I both know you’re stronger than I could ever be.” 

She felt a tug on her arm, and knew they had reached her just as her vision completely blacked out. 


	3. adagio

“I think this is rather pleasant, actually.” Charley cast a look around the cave tunnel. “It isn’t every day that you get to see… this.”

“It’s bioluminescent something or other,” the Doctor replied, offering her an arm. “I don’t think we’re on Earth.”

“Where are we, exactly?” Charley asked, and guided the Doctor carefully over the rough cave floor. 

They were looking up at the ceiling, and the dots and swirls of glowing blueish light. “I’d be making an uneducated guess, but I’m tempted to say Gilf Kebir. The planet, not the plateau, mind. Explorers from Earth discovered it, named it after a famous set of caverns back home. This planet - if I’m right, and it is Gilf Kebir, which, of course, it may not be - is made nearly entirely of red sandstone, but the chemical compound is different than Earth’s sandstone.”

“Is that so?” Charley offered, just as a way to show them that she was really interested, which she was. She always adored when they talked about everything they knew. 

“Yes. Earth’s sandstone would break apart in orbit. The chemical bonds form isolated particles, easily dislodged from each other,” they continued. “Gilf Kebir’s sandstone forms this bond as tight as molecules in, say, metal. It won’t break apart or wear down, which is why it’s so fascinating that it’s completely riddled with cave structures. Without erosion, how did they form? Take gravity as we know it, Charley, and tell me how planets come together.”

Charley had to pull herself from the content reverie of listening to them talk in order to answer the question, and it caught her off guard. “Well, erm, the bigger a planet’s mass, um-” She tried to remember what they’d taught her. She hadn’t exactly learned about astrophysics when she was in school; her days consisted of cursive, needlepoint, and stifling manners. “If something is bigger, it has a stronger gravitational pull.” 

“Right you are,” they said. “And?”

“And…” She couldn’t help but laugh, thinking hard. She looked over at them, and could see their smile in the bioluminescent light. “And planets form by a rock pulling smaller rocks to it? The larger it gets, the more small objects are pulled into it?”

“Yes!” They sounded genuinely thrilled. “Those smaller rocks and bits of dust are compressed so tightly by gravity and the velocity of the planet’s rotation that they actually melt and fuse together. So, by that theory, it would be impossible for a planet to have a natural cave system straight from formation. This planet quite literally defies the laws of physics.” 

“You’re glowing,” Charley chuckled. 

“Well, I must say, I can get a bit carried away talking about this. It’s magnificent, I don’t-”

“No, the-” Charley snorted, and gestured up at the bioluminescents. Quick save. “I’m sure we’re both glowing blue.”

“Oh, right,” they said, looking up again. “Yes, I’d imagine so.”

She dropped the Doctor’s arm in favor of holding their hand. “You were saying? About the caves?”

“I can’t remember,” they confessed. “But do you know anything about the original Gilf Kebir? On Earth? There was an exploration to it not too far from the time we met in. It’s in the African desert.”

“I can hardly remember anything from before we left,” Charley admitted. “It feels so long ago sometimes it’s hard to believe that was actually me, instead of a book I read, or something.”

“Hm.” Their smile was so soft and fond, and they didn’t seem to want to say anything more, content just to look at her in the bioluminescents’ light. 

She tried to search her memories, and was grateful for the darkness of the cave. She was surely flushed ear to ear. A vague hint of a recollection was cropping up; a man her father actually knew from prestigious dinner parties had planned to explore the desert of the Africas. She’d left before she could hear whether or not he actually carried the exploration out. “Was it Sir Robert Clayton’s expedition?”

“Yes!” the Doctor exclaimed. “Yes, the Clayton-Almásy expedition! They stumbled upon one of the most extraordinary things in one of the Gilf Kebir caves. The walls were painted with little figures. Horizontally done; they called it the Cave of Swimmers.”

Maybe it was just the Doctor’s way of putting heart into a story, but the name sent shivers down Charley’s spine. So did the thought of exploring anything beautiful and ancient, though.

“Remind me to take us there sometime.” 

“Will do,” Charley promised. She realized with a bit of a jolt, when trying to remember where they’d parked the TARDIS, that she couldn’t even remember entering the caves. She couldn’t picture what the outside of the planet was like at all, because she’d swear on her life she’d never been there. It was as if she’d just come to in the middle of their walk. It made her skin prickle, but she pushed it aside. Her memory had never been perfect, and recently it had just fought itself trying to remember two different timelines. It was probably just a little worn out. Shot. And plus, she wouldn’t want to ruin such a lovely walk. 

Maybe it wasn’t bothering her nearly as much as it should, but she didn’t want anything to get in the way of the afternoon. Or morning. Or night. Deep in the planet’s tunnels, there was no way of knowing what time of day it was. And, to that point, she really had to stop trying to apply Earth norms to other planets. For all she knew, this one didn’t even revolve around a sun. There might not even be night and day. Eventually, she asked, “Are there any cave paintings here, like in the Earth Gilf Kebir?”

“It’s terribly under-explored, I’m afraid, so I don’t have a definite on that,” they answered, giving her hand a little squeeze. “My best guess is no, though. The initial discovery expedition - Earth funded - revealed no signs of past advanced life forms, or at least none that left anything behind. All they found were the creatures making up the bioluminescent polyps, and they’re barely multicellular. I can imagine holding a paintbrush might be a bit of a task for them.” 

Charley hummed in agreement. 

“And then, after the expedition, the Earth empire sort of forgot about it. They discover and explore so many planets, the ones without vital resources or people to colonize fly a bit under the radar,” they continued. A smile appeared on their face. “Maybe someday they come back to it. Or someone does, from somewhere. Maybe in a million billion years these little fellows-” They flung a hand out to gesture to the bioluminescents on the wall. “-evolve into something that can make their own art, and they decorate their caves themselves. Wouldn’t that be- what?”

“What?” Charley, again, was jogged out of her little spell of contentment. 

“You’re looking at me funny.”

“Oh, I just- it’s just- when you talk about things like this,” she said, before she could bite her tongue, “it makes me happier than- than anything, really. Just to see that- I don’t know. I love you, I guess, is what I’m trying to say.” She hadn’t meant to say it, not now and certainly not so informally. But it didn’t feel wrong. On the contrary, it felt natural, just like breathing. 

The Doctor smiled, and then they laughed, a happy, almost befuddled laugh. “I love you too, Charley,” they said, and gave her hand another squeeze. “It must have slipped my mind to tell you before, but I’m really quite happy you decided to come with me. Nothing could’ve made this better, and I mean that.”

Charley nudged their shoulder with hers, and a change in the corner or her eye drew her attention away. “Did you see that?”

“See what?”

“A place that was light before,” she said, because she was now quite certain that was what it was, “has just gone dark. Can these bioluminescent things go out?”

“They shouldn’t be able to, no,” the Doctor replied, and their voice was tainted with a sense of dread that they’d always been terrible at hiding. “Are you sure-”

“Yes, and there.” Charley pointed to another cluster of light that had just disappeared. “Just- watch.” 

They stood together in silence, watching the cave walls and ceiling, as light after light went out. 

“What’s going on?” Charley asked quickly, feeling pressed for time, as if the world would end when the last bit of bioluminescence went dark. 

“I don’t know, I don’t-”

“Doctor,” she said, because now was as good a time to bring it up as any, “I don’t remember getting here. I just- I can’t remember landing, I couldn’t tell you where the TARDIS is, I just remember walking here in this cave.” 

“Oh, see, that’s troubling.” They put the hand that wasn’t holding hers to her shoulder, just to keep a hold of her and not lose her to the dark. 

“Yes, I’d imagine so,” she quipped. 

“No, Charley, really,” they said quietly. “I can’t remember either.” After a beat, they continued, “Just don’t lose hold of me, I’m sure everything’s going to be just-”

The last light went out. 


	4. minuet

“The stars are out, the air is warm,” the Doctor was saying as they walked arm in arm with Charley down the path. “I love the sound of the brook, don’t you? I think what we’ve got here is a perfect night.” 

“You’re in a good mood,” Charley remarked.

“How could I not be?” They looked elated. “It’s wonderful out, these lanterns are beautiful, there’s music down the hill-”

“A dance, I think,” Charley supplemented, laughing a little. She and the Doctor were walking down a stony little path lined with lanterns every meter or so. It led down to an open, long wooden hall of some sort, around which people buzzed. Someone inside the hall was playing music, but she could barely hear it over her own heartbeat. She knew it wouldn’t be good to get too nervous, but she couldn’t help it. She was fretting so much she could hardly remember anything before the conversation they were having now. 

“A dance? Even better,” the Doctor said. “Charley, would you care to dance with me?”

She looked at them, really looked at them. Fireflies - or whatever the equivalent on this planet was - danced through the fields that lined the path. Even though their question had almost been joking, sort of part of that faux royalty routine they often did, they looked completely genuine. They were also the most beautiful person that Charley had ever seen, but that was nothing new. She’d known that ever since they met on the R101. “Sure, why not.” 

“You’re dressed perfectly for a dance, it would be a shame not to,” the Doctor continued. 

Charley looked down at what she was wearing, and failed to recognize it. “Er, thank you,” she said, distracted, trying to remember where she’d gotten it. It was embroidered beautifully. In fact, it was just beautiful, straps to hem. The pattern on the Doctor’s jacket sleeve matched it, which made her heart skip a beat. Everything seemed to be nudging her towards what she’d vowed to do tonight. “You as well, although you’re missing something.”

“Hm?” The Doctor held out an arm to inspect their jacket. “That’s funny, I don’t think this is from the TARDIS wardrobe. Although, you never know. With the size of that thing there’s bound to be countless mystery items hidden away. I’ve got my cufflinks, I’ve got- oh, these are nice buttons. What am I missing?”

“Hold on.” Charley went to the side of the path and picked a handful of wildflowers from the field. “Here. Stay still.” One by one, she wove them into the Doctor’s hair. As she worked, she said, “My sisters and I used to do this before we were old enough to go out on hunts ourselves. While my father went out with his friends after a fox or whatnot, we’d find a quiet meadow somewhere and braid flowers into each other’s hair.”

“Sounds pastoral,” the Doctor commented, flinching slightly when a stem poked their cheek. 

“Ooh, sorry.” 

“No harm, no foul,” they replied quickly. They were smiling slightly. They looked happy, but more than that, they looked like they felt safe. It wasn’t often their guard was down, but now, it seemed to be so, and quite entirely. 

It was all Charley could do not to ask - politely, of course - to kiss them. Once her hands were empty she let them fall to her sides. “There. Now you really look a vision.” She snorted; it was silly and she knew it.

They grinned. “Wonderful. Shall we?”

“We shall.” She took the arm they offered her, and they walked, shoulders bumping, the rest of the way down to the hall. 

They danced. Evening slipped into night, and everything was just wonderful. It was so nice to have a break from the stress and fear of their normal adventures. There were little bits of it that sat wrong with Charley - the rest of the people were dressed very similarly to her and the Doctor, which made the question of where they got the clothes a little more complicated, as it seemed they were both just dropped there fitting in perfectly. The other people there had sort of blank, vague features, to the point where if Charley looked at one and then looked away, she couldn’t remember for the life of her what they looked like. 

But it didn’t really matter, none of it mattered, because everything else couldn’t have possibly gone better. The music was beautiful. The Doctor, as it turned out, was quite a good dancer; not as good as her and her twelve years of practice, but they could definitely waltz. And it was the spirit of the thing as well. It was the fact that the Doctor hadn’t stopped smiling once all night, and neither had she; it was the fact that they were close enough she could smell the wildflowers in their hair; and it was the fact that they could be safe for a moment, on some planet somewhere she must have forgotten to ask the name of, and just go to a dance like she would’ve back home. 

It was all so perfect it was almost like a dream. 

As the night wore on and her feet started hurting, Charley pulled the Doctor out of the hall. 

“All ready to go?” they asked, still smiling. “If I can just remember where I parked the ship…”

“Well, no,” she said quickly, before they started to go. “Not yet, maybe. Just- some air.” 

“Oh, good.” They laughed. “I wasn’t quite ready to leave.” 

She looked up at the stars, trying to steel her nerves. She hadn’t come this far to back out, and if she didn’t say it now she might never get to it. She might never even get the chance to; looking at the life they led it wasn’t an entirely ridiculous postulation. All the constellations were unfamiliar, and, to eat time up while she thought things through, she asked, “Where are we again?”

“Some planet somewhere,” the Doctor replied. They still had a sort of giddy touch to their tone. “If I’m honest I don’t quite know. I don’t think I’ve ever been here before. We have to come back, though. It’s magnificent.”

“It is,” Charley agreed, and she blew out a breath. Her hands were shaking, and she clasped them together. “Alright, I’m going to ask you not to say anything for a minute, if that’s okay. Just let me talk, do you think you can do that?”

They were wearing sort of a confused smile. “Is something the matter, Charley?”

“No, I just-” She could feel her voice going up, getting squeakier, just like it always did when she was worried. “Oh, this is too difficult. It’s just that- I want to do this really right, you know? Really… proper, I guess. So just- please don’t talk.” She braced herself for their inevitable joke about how impossible it was for them to shut up, but it didn’t come. 

What they said was, “As you wish, then.” 

Charley took a deep breath and shook her hands out. “Firstly, please don’t take me too seriously. I mean- take me seriously, but don’t- I don’t want anything to change. Just don’t let what I’m about to say mess things up.” She felt her throat starting to close, and she swallowed. When she’d pictured this, she had never imagined it feeling like it would kill her to say it. “It’s- when we met, on the R101, when I quite literally ran into you, which I’m sorry for, by the way- and then in Edward Grove, I just- the way you- and Grayle, with Grayle- I just-” She knew she sounded beyond stupid, and she looked down. “Lord. This wasn’t how this was supposed to go.” 

The Doctor was watching her with a careful expression. 

“What I’m trying to say,” she announced, because the only way to get through this would be full steam ahead - and honestly, she was Charlotte Pollard. Everything she did was full steam ahead. “Is that I think you’re the most spectacular person I’ve ever met, and not because- well, not because you fly about in time, or because you’re from outer space. I mean, I could have met you right down the street and stayed on Earth as regular people with you and I’d still think it, because it’s not what you do, it’s- you. It’s you. I think you’re terrific.” She could feel herself start to tear up. “And then, time went by, and I’ve- I’m in love. I’ve fallen in love with the most- amazing person in the whole world. In the whole universe.”

“Who’s the lucky guy?” the Doctor asked quietly, their voice low. They looked sad. 

A tear slipped down her cheek. “Oh, how can you-”

“No, Charley, I know. Of course I know.” They were looking down. “I’m sorry, I just- hearing that, it scares me.” 

Charley drew a breath, not knowing what to say. 

“Because, see, if it was just me, it could’ve gone on that way forever, and it would have been fine,” they said, still too quiet. “But it’s not just me, and now we’re actually faced with this great thing, this great- thing.” They paused. “Daunting, that’s it.”

“You knew,” Charley said slowly. “You knew and you didn’t say anything. Christ, why did you let me go on looking like such an idiot?”

“Because I didn’t know what to do? Because- I don’t know, because I was scared? I am scared, Charley, I’m-” 

“Why?” she asked, voice flat.

“This isn’t something I can do!” They laughed, briefly, maybe out of panic. “I’ve only done this once before, and I don’t know what I’m doing, and you- Charley, you deserve someone who-” 

“Oh, don’t start with that,” Charley said, and she sighed. “No one in the world will ever make me happier than I am with you, you know that. We- fit together. Like puzzle pieces. It’s- I- I love you.”

They looked down. “I love you too, Charley. How could I not love you?” They smiled, just a bit. “You said it; we’re perfect for each other. But it’s-”

“Daunting?” she finished, and she felt like maybe she could smile too. “I don’t think it has to be. I think- I mean, it’s you and me. If we just let it happen it’ll be the easiest thing in the world.”

“Just like dancing,” they said, and when they looked up at her, they were smiling the fondest smile she’d ever seen. “You’re right, Charley. Of course you’re right.”

Charley laughed, more a reaction of relief than anything else. “What changes? I mean, what do we do?”

“Just between you and me,” the Doctor said, and they seemed less sober already, moving back towards how happy they’d been inside, “I think we were already doing it. Most of it, anyway. I already- I always loved you.” 

Charley had to look away. Her face felt hot. Oddly, the only thing she could think of was what her mother would say if she could see her now. Finally, she asked, “So are we okay? Is everything okay?”

“I’d say better than okay,” they answered, and they took her hand. 

“Good.” She smiled. “Me too.” 

“Charley, one thing,” they said, and they sounded dead serious again. “And you have to promise me this, I  _ need  _ you to promise me this.” 

“Sure,” Charley said blankly, worried over their change in tone. 

“No matter what, promise me you’ll remember this,” they said, taking her other hand as well, so they were standing face to face with her, straight on. “Take this night, take us, and hold onto it forever, yes? Could you do that for me?”

“Of course,” she said, and it seemed like such a strange thing to ask. “How could I ever forget?”

“Good.” They pressed a kiss to her forehead. “Thank you. Now, another dance and then bed? Baring one’s soul can be exhausting; if you want to go straight back to the ship I won’t mind.” 

She leaned her head against their shoulder, cheek settling on the soft fabric of their jacket. “I’d do another dance if you would.” 

“Wonderful.” They dropped one of her hands and pulled her back towards the hall by the other. 

As they crossed over the threshold together, everything fell away and went black.


	5. sonata

“Why are we in a boat?” Charley asked, reaching over the side to dip her fingers into the water. She and the Doctor sat facing each other in a small wooden rowboat, surrounded on all sides by still water as far as she could see. Which, to be honest, wasn’t far; mist encroached in on them, sitting over the water and forming a gradient into the bright grey of the sky.

“If we weren’t in a boat we’d drown, eventually,” the Doctor answered, looking around. “How long can you tread water?”

“Point taken,” Charley replied in that vaguely sarcastic way she often did, when the Doctor probably should’ve answered her question the way she intended, and didn’t. “But- what I mean is-”

“I know,” they cut in, a smile spurred mostly by confusion tugging the corner of their mouth up. “Strange, isn’t it? I’ve no idea. It’s a complete mystery.” 

“Helpful as always, Doctor,” Charley said quietly. “What do we do? I mean- what are we supposed to do?” 

“We’re in a rowboat. We could row.” They laughed in a sort of impulsive way, and cut themself off quickly. “No, you’re right. Do you remember those five minute brain-teasers they’d give you in school? Well, they didn’t give them out in my school, I had to find them later, but…”

Charley sighed. “I don’t think they had those at my school either.” 

“Right. Right. Of course they didn’t. A nineteen twenties girls’ school, what was I thinking?” They seemed to be talking almost entirely to themself. “But these brain-teasers, they give you a question that helps you think through a problem. I think we’ve got a problem, so… Charley, give me a question.” 

“How did we get here?” Charley asked upon the prompt, blinking. She tried to think, and was coming up completely blank. “All I remember is waking up. The water was rocking the boat a little, and we were already in the middle of the- is it an ocean?”

“One way to find out.” The Doctor reached over the side of the boat and scooped up a handful of water. 

“Oh, Doctor, don’t-” Charley stopped, as they were already touching their tongue to the water. 

After a moment, they said, “Freshwater. I do believe we’re in a pond.” 

“Or a lake,” she offered. 

“Or a lake,” they repeated. “I also woke up already on the boat, which means someone must’ve put us here and sent us out.” 

“Or,” Charley started, and then shook her head. 

“Or?”

“It’s silly,” Charley said, “but what if we rowed ourselves out here and then just forgot?”

The Doctor wiped their hands on their pants. “Horrifying thought process you must have, Charley, I’d hate to be inside your head.”

“Thanks.”

“But it is an idea, unpleasant as it may be.” Their voice had dropped in volume. Then, offhandedly, “That’s a lovely dress you’re wearing, by the way, is there a special occasion?”

Charley looked down, lifting the hem of her skirt to inspect it. The entire thing was embroidered beautifully, intricately, in more colors than she could name, the threads forming vines and blossoms and roots. She shrugged in response, and realized that if there indeed was a reason she was wearing it, she couldn’t remember for the life of her what it was. “I don’t think it’s mine.”

“It suits you.”

“Thanks.” She looked up at them, and saw, as if she hadn’t been looking at them for the past few minutes, that they were dressed up as well. A black coat, embroidered with similar patterns to the ones on her skirt. Flowers in their hair. “You look pretty.” 

A slight blush tinted the Doctor’s cheeks. “Doesn’t matter, with only the fog to see it, but thank you.”

“What are we dressed up for?” Charley asked tentatively. “Was there a party? Or- or maybe a dance? This is embarrassing, but really I can’t-”

“Remember,” the Doctor finished. “No, neither can I.” They reached up and pulled one of the flowers out of their hair, looking down at it. “I don’t like this, Charley.”

“Good.” Charley huffed a little laugh. 

“Good?”

“As opposed to you liking it? Yes, good. That would be- weird. At least we’re still thinking rationally.”

The Doctor nodded. “Ah, because you’re ever the rationalist. Here.” They passed her the flower.

“Oh.” She smiled down at it for a second before tucking it behind her ear. “Are we trying to think positively now?”

“I thought you said rationally.” They were letting themself smile too, just a little bit. 

She did the same. “Rational is a baseline. We can build on it, I think.”

“Then I don’t see why not. A little positivity never hurt nobody.” They snorted, almost laughing.

“I believe you did point out the obvious earlier,” she said, and just seeing the Doctor happy made everything seem a good deal less frightening. 

“Hm?”

“I think we ought to row,” she clarified, nudging at one of the oars, which draped through the corresponding oarlock and hung in the still water. “When in Rome and that.” 

“Well said, Miss Pollard.” The Doctor fumbled with an oar. “I must’ve rowed a boat a few times, life as long as mine. Let’s see if I can get the hang of it.”

Charley offered to help - an offer they turned down - and then moved back to give them the space they needed. She watched them struggle with the boat, moving it the way she used to try with horses before she really learned to ride. Carefully and clumsily. It was completely endearing, but the effect was dampened by the fact that she had no idea where they were and no idea how they got there. She quoted, to lighten her mood, “All in the golden afternoon, full leisurely we glide; for both our oars with little skill by little arms are plied.”

“Hang on- little skill? Charley, I’m trying my best-”

“It’s a poem,” she said, laughing. “ _ Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland. _ It’s my favorite book, you should know it.” 

“Quoting poems when we’re in the middle of a lake hidden by fog dressed for a dance with absolutely no recollection of getting here,” the Doctor murmured, shaking their head. 

“Poor taste?” Charley frowned. It was, really. She just wanted to find a way to stop thinking about all the things they’d just listed. 

“No.” They grinned, and let the oars rest in the oarlocks. “Exactly what I would have done. Can you look over the side for me and see if there’s a current at all? I want to try something.”

Charley did, and despite there being only several meters of water visible before it faded into fog, it seemed as still as ever. “I don’t think there is.”

“Wonderful.” They pulled another flower from their hair and threw it back behind the boat. 

“And you’re doing this… why, exactly?”

They picked the oars back up. “Well, it’ll give us something to think about if we come across it again, won’t it? Keep an eye on the water, if you would.”

“Of course.” Charley folded her arms over the side of the boat. After a while, she said, “I’m sick of this. I want to go home.”

“Home?” they repeated. They sounded out of breath. 

“The TARDIS. I feel like I haven’t been there in ages.”

They stopped rowing. “It’s odd that you say that, Charley, because I’m quite attuned to my ship. Psychically, biologically. I know her, and I know how she feels, and I don’t believe- I need you to bear with me- but I’ve been thinking, and sensing, and I don’t believe we ever left.”

“We’ve got to have left, don’t be ridiculous,” she replied dryly, sitting up. “Unless- there’s a garden in the TARDIS, is there a lake as well?”

“No, not to my knowledge.” Their tone was grim. “We just appear somewhere, without any memory of how we got there, in strange clothes. You know, if I didn’t know any better I’d say we were dreaming.” 

“But I’m talking to you,” Charley said, and she felt cold. “How could we be talking if this- no, this is real, this is happening.” 

“How did we get here?” they asked. 

“I can’t remember.”

“Where are we?”

“I don’t know.” 

“Who did this to us?”

“I couldn’t tell you,” Charley answered crossly. “I don’t- I understand what you’re saying, I just don’t like it. I know what’s real, and this is real.” 

“I don’t think it is,” the Doctor countered. “Charley, drown me.” 

“What?” Charley gasped. “Why would you-”

“No, no, no, no, it’ll be fine,” they assured her quickly. “If I’m right-”

“And what if you’re wrong?” Charley argued. 

“Well, then I’d assume you’d be very sorry you listened to me,” they said with a frown. “But I’m eighty or so percent sure I’m right, and that this is simulated, or made up, or- or a dream. Something of the like. Look!” They pointed.

Charley followed their eyes to where the flower sat in the water next to them again. 

“That wouldn’t happen if this was real,” they said triumphantly.

“I’m not going to drown you,” Charley said firmly. “End of story.” 

“Charley…” they said, almost pouting. 

“No! No. It’s not happening.” She sighed. “I really don’t want to bicker right now, this is already frustrating enough as it is.”

“You’re right, I’m sorry.” They were quiet for a moment, looking out into the fog. “One more question-”

“I don’t want to play your brain-teaser game anymore,” Charley muttered. 

“Just this one, I promise.” 

Charley considered moping some more, but her fondness of them won out. “Fine. Fire away, I suppose.”

“Why are you wearing that dress?”

“Because you told me to remember it,” she said automatically. Once she said it, she couldn’t believe she’d ever forgotten it. It was quintessential. She’d promised. She couldn’t recall the circumstances or anything else, but she knew that she had to remember something about their clothes. It was like it was the most important thing she’d ever do. 

The Doctor nodded, and snapped their fingers. “I knew there would be a break in whatever this is. Charley, you’re besting this thing. Of course it would be you!” They were smiling now. “Haven’t I always said you’re the strong one?”

“I don’t follow.” Charley honestly couldn’t see where they were getting this. 

“If you remembering something could carry over physical objects into the next hallucination, that means you know, however subconsciously, that this isn’t the only one. That it’s not real.” They rushed through the explanation, reaching across the little boat to put a hand on her shoulder. “You’ve found a crack in this system, we’ve just got to widen it a bit. When was the last time we were in the TARDIS?”

“I already told you, I don’t-”

“You’re better than this thing,” they insisted. “Don’t let it feed you answers, don’t let it in. Think!”

“We’d just-” Charley screwed her eyes shut, tried to summon the memory. “We’d just been on a walk, I think. Through a garden?”

“The garden! Yes!” The Doctor laughed, holding one of Charley’s hands with both of theirs. “The planet Viridios! And then-”

“And then…” Charley frowned. The memories were strange, like they weren’t hers, perhaps, or like she was looking at them through a foot of water. Or like she was trying to remember a dream. “We were in a cave, I think. Or- wait, maybe not. There was music…” It was impossible to recall. 

“Different hallucinations, one after the other-”

“No, you were right before,” Charley corrected them. “Dreams. I think they’re dreams.”

The Doctor nodded. “Alright, then. Dreams. One after the other, one… one  _ replacing _ the other, maybe, each erasing the memories of the last so we’d be kept thinking the current one was real.”

“The pollen!” Charley exclaimed. “The pollen from the garden! Remember? You said it-”

“Yes!” 

The boat rocked in response to the Doctor’s excitable movement. 

“This is easier than I thought it would be,” the Doctor continued. “I thought we’d have to steal ourselves back from some powerful simulation or hallucination.” 

“What  _ do _ we have to do, then?” Charley asked, and their excitement was rubbing off on her. How couldn’t it? They were winning. 

“We just have to wake up,” they said with a grin. “Simple as that. Although, it might not… ah. See, this could be just a small bump in the road, but if we do wake up we’d be putting our minds through a considerable amount of shock. Do you know how right after you get out of the bathtub cold water feels freezing?”

“Sure,” Charley said warily, not liking where this was going. 

“It’s like that. We’ll be taking our brains out of this bathtub, full of warm dreams, and dunking them into the coldest water imaginable,” they continued. “The shock will be that much stronger the longer we’ve been in here, and, I’ll be honest, I can’t remember every dream.”

“Neither can I,” Charley replied, heart sinking. “All I’ve got is just the barest imprints, I think.”

“It’s either waste away out there in the real world while our minds stay here or have a chance at frying our brains trying to get back,” the Doctor posed. “Preference?”

Charley didn’t have to think. “If there’s a chance to wake up, we’re taking it, aren’t we? If we don’t it’ll be like giving up without a fight.” 

“That’s my Charley. Alright, hands.” 

She held her hands out to them. 

The Doctor took them and placed them on either one of their temples. Then, they put their hands in the same position on Charley’s head. 

“Wait- wait, wait. Is this going to- I don’t want to sound like a baby, but will this hurt?” Charley couldn’t help the bundle of nerves tightening in her chest. 

“Well, if we don’t survive, it won’t matter,” they replied, “and if we do, will it really matter?”

“Oh, you-” She pushed their head to the side gently. “Come on.”

“I’ll be honest with you, Charley, I don’t know. I’m scared, I know that. I’m scared.” They were rubbing their thumbs along her cheeks, but whether it was intended to comfort her or was just a nervous tic wasn’t clear. 

“Don’t be.” Charley tried to laugh. “Then I’ll get scared.” 

“If this goes wrong I need you to know that I love you.” Their voice broke when they said it, and they pulled her face to theirs, pressing their foreheads together. “I love you, and I just need it to be heard. Before.”

Charley closed her eyes. “I love you too. I love you- so much, actually. It’s going to be okay.”

“Is it?” It sounded like they were genuinely asking her. 

“I think we should do it now,” she replied, knowing it wasn’t an answer but not having anything to really say. “Whatever it is. What is it?”

They shook their head - or maybe they were just trying to get closer to her, despite already being nose to nose. “I’ll snap us out of it. Count of three?”

“Count of three,” Charley agreed, steeling herself. “One. Two. Three.” 


	6. coda

The fire had burned out. Even the embers were stone dead, and the library had a chill to it. Charley cleared her throat, trying to blink the sleep out of her eyes. Her arm rested on the Doctor’s shoulder, and she moved it to give them a gentle shake. 

Their eyes were still closed, although their brow was furrowed. 

She sat up, casting a look around the library, and realized she had no idea how much time had passed. There was really no way of knowing, in the TARDIS. Her head was pounding, but besides that, she was fine. 

Beside her, the Doctor yawned. “Good morning, Charley,” they said, slowly sitting up as well. “All well?”

“All well,” Charley replied, leaning her shoulder against theirs. “Thanks for getting us out of there.” 

“Oh, thank  _ you _ for remembering what was going on,” they returned. “Without that we’d have been stuck in there forever. Do you remember them, by the way? The dreams?”

“Not really,” Charley confessed. They were fading quickly, like dreams often did after waking up. “First it was the one when we were in space, then the dance-”

“Cave then dance, I think. Wasn’t it?”

Charley honestly couldn’t remember, not that it mattered. All she had was the vaguest recollections of setting. “Probably. And then the rowboat.” 

“And then the rowboat,” the Doctor echoed. “Well, another strange adventure closed up and done, hm? I’m sorry to say this, but I think we might have to burn that sweater. Just to make sure none of the pollen sticks around and affects us.”

Charley frowned. “I love this sweater.”

“We’ll find you a better one, I promise.” The Doctor stood up, brushing off their coat where it had been on the ground. “Come on, up we get.” They offered her their hands.

She let them pull her to her feet, still trying to clear her mind and fully wake up. “Oh- Doctor,” she said, just as they turned to leave the library. 

“Yes?”

“I feel like there was something I had to tell you.” She couldn’t shake that feeling, that she had to let them know something, but honestly, it was probably just the residue of whatever had happened in the dreams. No matter how hard she tried, she couldn’t remember what it was. “Never mind. It’s probably nothing. If it’s really important I’ll remember it later.” 

“In your own time, Charley,” they said, and gave her a little smile. “Now, where to next? The moon landing or the Stevenson supernova expansion?”

“Um… the supernova,” Charley said definitively, taking the arm they offered her. “We’ve already done the moon landing, remember?”

“You’re telling me you never go back and watch your favorite film again?” They laughed, and started to make their way towards the door of the library, Charley walking in step with them. 

She rolled her eyes fondly. “Well, when you put it that way.”

“Are you sure it’s not going to bother you, what you wanted to say?” They held the library door open for her. “I know when there’s something on the tip of my tongue it eats at me until I remember what it is.” 

Charley sighed. Her mind was tired, which was no surprise after what she’d just gone through, but she was happy. She was happy. “No, not really.” She leaned her head on their shoulder as the two of them started the walk to the console room. “You probably already know anyway.” 

**Author's Note:**

> find me on tumblr @lesbiandonnanoble :^)


End file.
